“BUT, I have trusted in Your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance. I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously.” Psalm 13:5-6

Why do these verses of praise start with a “but”?

Before the Psalmist gets to the praise, some wrestling was going on.

I get that. I wrestle. I feel cynical. Doubtful. Short on patience & faith. Like, I want some boxing gloves so I can duke it out with God. Wondering where he is…what he’s doing.

Wondering Why.

(Even Jacob wrestled with God in Genesis 32. And he came out with a blessing…he didn’t get struck down by lightning during the wrestling match.)

#Blessed bumper stickers and t-shirts abound. We raise hands and sing about big faith… but haven’t walked through the fire yet to prove that it’s actually real faith & not just lip service on a Sunday.

Honestly… sometimes I’m just tired of it all.

I did that. Before the fire. I sang those songs, full of untried faith, and I instagrammed cherry-picked verses with a pretty background.

I also stared death right in the face and had hands too tired to raise and wanted to puke if I saw one more #blessed bumper sticker or hat or t-shirt or any of it.

What came before the “but” in this chapter of Psalms?

“Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?”

“How long will you hide your face from me?”

“How long will I store up anxious concerns within me, agony in my mind every day?”

“How long will my enemy dominate me?”

“Consider me & answer, Lord my God. Restore brightness to my eyes; otherwise I will sleep in death.”

Ever felt that way?? Forgotten by God…like he’s nowhere to be found…full of anxious concerns…full of agony? Like you’re under constant attack with no relief in sight? Ever felt like you’ve cried all you can cry and like there’s no hope left?

The Psalmist did. It’s recorded for us to read for a reason.

Because life…it’s gonna be hard sometimes. There are things we’re going to walk through… some real tough fires… like staring sickness & pain… death & fear… hopelessness & lonliness in the face. #BlessedLife…right? Doesn’t always feel like it.

Here’s the thing. The Psalmist directs all of this to God in a prayer. An honest cry of distress & anguish. He’s not scared. In his dry season, he perseveres in prayer…in his faltering faith, he says all that he’s feeling to the God that feels hidden from him. The God that he feels has forgotten him.

But still he clings to something…someOne…with all that he has left.

And ends it all with a But. Or, we could insert… despite all my fear & doubt & worry…

“…I have trusted in Your faithful love.”

“My heart will rejoice in your deliverance.”

Despite it all, he says, “I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously.”

It’s ok to stumble in your faith. To feel forgotten & anxious & lost. It’s ok to want to scream at God.

It’s ok to tell God all of it…exactly how you feel.

Scream at him. Cry. Cuss out loud.

Tell him you can’t see him or feel him. Tell him you’re sick of #blessed bumper stickers and insta-verses with flowery backgrounds. It’s ok to feel irritated when people say “just trust him” when you’re struggling with all you’ve got to trust him & his plan.

Because sometimes his good plans don’t feel good.

I know because I’ve done all of that. I’ve felt those things.

Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Something happens when we expose our doubts to God… when we get raw & real & all sobb-y with Him. When we wrestle with him. He comes near to us. Or rather… we begin to notice how near he was the whole time. Our vision gets clearer, and he reminds us who he is. He shows us who he is.

Something happens when we get to the other side of our feelings and praise him despite it all.

When we acknowledge that he is and always was and always will be who he says he is.

That’s when he wrecks us and restores our hope & faith in him. God wants our honesty… and our humility. Despite how we feel, he deserves our praise. When we praise him, we remember.

We remember that we are blessed…it’s not because of our circumstances or our stuff…all of that can go away.

We’re blessed because the God of the universe is near to us, and despite it all, his love is faithful. He delivers us from sin & ourselves & he’s generous…he’s given us grace beyond measure and his constant presence.

Life gets real suck-y. It may stay that way for a while. But in the dry season, I want to encourage you (and myself)…to persevere in prayer…raw & honest & tearful prayer. It doesn’t matter how broken the prayer & feeble the faith & words. And in the dry season, you & I may just find ourselves shifting with a “but” & start to praise him.

❤️Nicole

PS…Love this song… “Yet I Will Praise You” by Passion ❤️❤️❤️