I’m not exactly sure what I expected when I sat down and opened up my Bible a few mornings ago to “abide” (John 15:4). Something I haven’t been so great at lately.

I think, without really thinking, that I expected to be guilted. I think that maybe I expected to be shamed for not sitting down with Jesus lately. Maybe I thought that the Bible would condemn me for all of my flaws, for not handling all things like a “perfect Christian” would…or, “should”. I definitely didn’t expect to be wrecked by His quiet grace and the reminder of His faithfulness. I didn’t expect that the verses that I opened up to would remind me that it’s the enemy that literally wants to shove me to the ground and keep me in darkness, (it’s true…check it out in Psalm 143:3) while the Lord just wants me to look up at His light and grab His hand and wear His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10).

I don’t have to work harder for Him to love me more. He actually loves me right where I am, mess and all. I only need to lean on Him, His righteousness, and what He’s already done.

I love how God can shatter our fears…and how He can shatter our false ideas and beliefs about Him when we spend a mere 5 minutes looking at the Truth.

When we drift from Him…when we’re not abiding in His presence and soaking our mind in Truth…we forgot who He is. We get this distorted picture of a false god in our mind. And then we hide from that false god, and meanwhile, the True and Faithful God waits. He is patient and kind, and He “knows that we are only flesh” (Psalm 78:39).

I expect perfection from myself and hide when I fall short.

He expects us to fall short and gives us His perfection.

He calls out to us in our hiding, just like he did with the first man (Genesis 3:9) and says “where are you?”… and we have this opportunity to confess where we are. He knows already. He’s just inviting us to confess it.

And find His grace, again.

It’s the great and beautiful mystery…all we have to do is acknowledge our shortcomings and bare it all in front of Him, honest and raw, not to be whipped by Him (He was for us though)…but to be forgiven and embraced by Him.

Maybe we have some ghosts in the past…and the enemy, he whispers in our ear with that smooth tongue and tells us that God looks like that ghost. An angry ghost…condemning us…expecting perfection and performance from us…condescending, with impossible standards…an abusive and a
degrading ghost…but those are imperfect human qualities that we put on a perfect God.

We humanize the One who created humanity.

The enemy tells us that God can’t comfort…that He can’t give us peace…that there are better ways to find these things, so we believe it for a while. We dabble in the false “better ways” and drift from The Way. The Truth. The Life. (John 14:6)

But the Truth is that “the LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8).

Merciful. Gracious. Slow to anger. ABOUNDING in steadfast love.

We can’t comprehend it, but that doesn’t make it untrue. That’s the truth that we have to somehow wrap our heads around. That we have to have faith in. We are familiar with “quick to anger”, but that’s not who God is. That’s why we need the Word…that’s why we need to soak in Truth. Otherwise lies sound more realistic.

We can’t comprehend steadfast and unconditional love that is “abounding”…or, “plentiful”… or, “overflowing”. We are well acquainted with conditional love…perform well and you get my love…be enough, you get my love…don’t be too much…you get my love.

But steadfast and plentiful? That’s God’s love, and it’s Truth. No matter what we think we are. Not enough. Too much. No matter what the lies are that we’ve believed about ourselves. Or have been told to us. God, our Creator, He loves us for who we are. He made us that way. And that…that’s hard for us to understand.

All that to say, just come on out of hiding. It’s safe. He’s safe. It’s ok if you’ve been away for a while. He’s waiting for you to take a step…and our feeble little step is met by a loving, kind, gracious, perfect Father who has been waiting with open arms for our weak little step to Him. I know, because that’s what He’s done for me. He gives me love that I don’t deserve. That’s grace.

It may just be a weak little prayer. It may just be opening your Bible and reading what’s in front of you with blurry, teary eyes. Maybe you can’t even read it. Maybe all you can do is open the Word and sob to Him. Guess what?? Psalm 56:8 says “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” So sob in His presence. He collects those tears. Each one of them. It’s ok. He just wants you in His presence.

I just know that I battle with thinking that I need to be “perfect” when I step towards Him. That I need to have my crap together to step towards Him. That it needs to be a powerful, confident step towards Him to earn His embrace. Maybe you do too?

But time and time again, His Word is true. It says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” in the first part of James 4:8. Not…“Be perfect and God will draw near to you.”

The latter part of that verse says “Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.” It’s a call to admit where you’ve been. To confess…clear the air…between you and the Lord. He is gracious and compassionate. He won’t reject you, He will embrace you. See how “Draw near to God” is followed by “Wash your hands” and “purify your hearts”?!! He’s not calling perfect people to come close. He’s calling imperfect people to come close. When we get to Him we realize our imperfections, and it takes us to our knees. To a posture of humility. James 4:6 says, “But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'”

Father, we can’t comprehend who You are with our feeble, human mind. So You tell us in Your Word. Time and time again, You remind us Who You are. And when we forget, You’re patient and gracious and You remind us and show us again, once again, who You are. You wreck us again with Your quiet, consistent grace. Thank You for Your abundant, faithful love. Thank you for not giving up on me. On all of us. In Jesus’ beautiful, powerful name, Amen.

Blessings,
Nicole

“Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.”
Colossians 3:16

Nicole